Our Turn

I’ve been dreaming about the feminist utopia in Herland. The book describes an isolated society entirely composed of women. The result is an ideal social order free of war, conflict and domination.

But what would society look like in real life if women ruled? Would it be better or worse? I remember back in high school a well-known, all-girls private school realeased a set of promotional posters for a campaign called, “If Girls Ruled”. The gist was, the world would be a better place and that men are the root of all that is bad. The boys schools took this to heart. Well, duh. It was a lengthy debate topic in their classrooms and even teachers were getting heated about it. I want to make clear, the ad never mentioned boys or men, but it implied a lot; about men, about masculinity and about male leaders. This was one of the boldest feminist campaigns I had ever seen. It was unapologetically candid. 

Obviously, we don’t know what the world would look like if women ruled. But we do know that what’s happening now is not working. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving women a shot. While we can’t say for sure whether women would behave any better (women can be just as selfish as men) we do know that women tend to lead differently than men. They’re more likely to be collaborative and encourage dialogue. My personal take is that there would definitely be fewer pissing contests and wars. That’s not to say women don’t have egos, they do, but their sense of self is not tied to dominating others. 

So what do we do? Do we throw out the baby with the bath water? Some would say yes but that doesn't seem fair. What I know is that as a society, we need to return to our roots and embrace our humanity. The leaders for that crusade? Women.

Why are men so disappointing

His name is Andrew and he doesn’t have a bed frame.

His name is Nathan and his mom does his laundry on the weekend.

His name is Clark and he thinks Jordan Peterson is the greatest intellectual on Earth.

His name is Joe and he stares at you at the gym.

His name is Adam and he bugs you about sending pics.

His name is Kevin and he calls the waitress “darling” before tipping her 10%.

His name is Jack and he rubs his junk on you while dancing at the club.

His name is Chad and you can smell his Axe body spray a mile away.

His name is Brody and he thinks any female authority figure is a total bitch.

His name is Eric and he thinks that #MeToo is a witchhunt.

His name is Josh and he thinks that periods are gross.

His name is Alex and he says he’s a nice guy but he’s nothing of the sort.

His name is Mohammed and he complains about the friend zone.

His name is Tony and he thinks women like to be jackhammered.

His name is Connor and he’ll cut you off when you speak because he thinks he has something more important to say.

His name is Antoine and he thinks the street is his personal urinal.

His name is James and he ignores the sexist or demeaning comments his friends make about women because he’s a spineless jellyfish.

His name is Lucas and he’s scared of the word feminist/women having power and freedom.

His name is Thomas and he thinks talking politics is a sport.

His name is Charlie and he’s rude and dismissive to girls who aren’t super models.

The Pay Gap

Discussion about the pay gap can be excruciating because it is a very complex topic. I don't care do debate how many cents on the dollar women make. Sometimes it is foul play and other times it's fair.

Pay equity means equal pay for work of equal value. But how do we decipher what is valuable and what is not and who gets to make those decisions? Since we live in a patriarchy, obviously men do, and it is becoming increasingly clear that traditionally female careers are undervalued and underpaid.

"Janitors, two-thirds of whom are men, make $12.13 per hour, while maids and housekeepers, nearly 9 in 10 of whom are women, make $9.94 per hour." PBS

Today's workforce remains profoundly segregated by gender. I pose that women's work is undervalued because women themselves are undervalued. We see this in other arenas too. Recently, I heard a young girl talking sports with a few of her male friends. She brought up gymnastics. Her male friends stopped her and said, "That's not a real sport!"

Now it may be they just don't like gymnastics, but the more plausible answer is that gymnastics is a female dominated sport and therefore they undervalue it for that very reason. Women are put down in very subtle ways every day. "Don't throw like a girl. Don't be a sissy!" We're taught to hate ourselves. Maybe not directly, but subtly over the years it builds up often leading to things like self harm and anorexia or bulimia.

If you think you're not worth anything, you dare not ask for anything -- not the raise you deserve or the respect you are due as a fellow human being. In result, many women are impoverished or dependent on men. They stay on the street and get sexually assaulted. They stay in abusive relationships and get killed.

We hear time and time again about the "business case for change". In our capitalist society, it seems that doing the right thing doesn't matter in the slightest. It's the money that talks. And we know that equality in the workplace means billions of dollars for the economy. But why is the business case for change not working in the way we thought it would? Because men fear women having power and freedom more than they like money. My guess is because they think we'll treat them the way they've treated us.

Note: Addressing the low pay and poor advancement opportunities in women’s work is essential to confronting systemic racial and ethnic inequality. Women of color are disproportionately represented in these jobs: They are a third of the female labor force but nearly 45 percent of women in these jobs.

Don't Be Indifferent

"I don't really get into politics. I'm not very political. Voting is not that important to me."

These statements come from a place of privilege. For people who are not white, straight, able-bodied men, the personal is political. Your life might not have changed when Brett Kavanaugh was put into the highest court in the land, but many lives were.

I envy people who can watch the news or a sexist, transphobic TV show without even flinching. The sort of emotional turmoil that comes from being woke is an unbearable weight on the body and mind. My mom always asks me, "Do you have to make everything about gender?" But the thing is, everything is about gender because the world is a gendered place, and we're all paying for it.

They say that ignorance is bliss, and they might be right. But the first step of disrupting any system, is understanding the nuances of that system. That system being the patriarchy and how it uses binaries to control people and things. You see, the opposite of othering is not sameing, it's belonging.

Cameron Bailey was given an honorary degree at my graduation, and he spoke about his time at Western and what it means to belong. He explained how his time at Western was plagued by a professor who tried to validate the idea that Blacks were intellectually inferior, Asians were intellectually superior, and whites were conveniently right in the middle.

In this process of belonging, he talked about how stories build belonging. They are what connects us but they can also divide us. They can be a drawing on a cave wall or Nazi propaganda. I am thoroughly interested in using stories to unite people.

He ended his speech by saying: “We can’t call ourselves human if we can’t explain our existence through our stories. Stories are our most relevant analytical tool when facts are becoming less and less relevant. Facts don’t seem to be enough to combat hateful ideas but stories might just be able to do it. The more you deepen your understanding of the world we share, use your stories, belong.”

Watch his full speech:

Witch Hunt

If I have to hear one more man describe #MeToo as a "witch hunt", I think I might scream.

A little history. The most famous witch hunt was the Salem Witch Trials, which occurred in colonial Massachusetts between 1692 and 1693. More than 200 people were accused of practicing witchcraft and 20 were executed. The accused were often framed as different and/or dangerous to the common good of society. Actually, a lot of the accused were spinsters who lived in the woods and practiced alternative medicine. It was a time of chaos and disease and people wanted some sort of clarity in a very unclear world. They wanted a sense of order and understanding, so they made it for themselves.

Since then, the story of the trials has become synonymous with paranoia and injustice and is heavily popularized. In the movie The Holy Grail, an angry mob of townspeople try to confirm a "witch's" identity by seeing if she floats or sinks in water. Spoiler: she floated.

In May of last year, President Trump tweeted: "This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!" Unless he was dragged out of the woods and hung, I sincerely doubt that. Evoking the hysteria associated with the phrase "witch hunt" is a strong ideological tactic that is currently used by people on the Right, but has been used by the Left as well in the past. While misguided and out of place, the phrase has a certain dramatic flair. It's the theatrics that counts in politics. The bottom line is: the misappropriation of witch hunts is just as offensive as the misappropriation of lynching. So, don't do it. 

What witch hunts are really about is fear and power. We knew that with #MeToo there would be a backlash, and unfortunately, it seems that we can no longer talk about #MeToo without talking about witch hunts. I have no problem discussing the ignorant and manipulative evocation of witch hunt hysteria for personal or political gain. I just wish I didn't have to do it so much.

Side note: I hate that witches are constantly portrayed in a negative light in the media. Witches are powerful women who can move water and earth if they wanted to. Y'all are just jealous.

Resentment

If you ask the average man, he does not recognize his own privilege. In fact, he feels persecuted himself and he will say with irritation and annoyance in his voice: "What about the men? Sexism isn't real. Women are fine." Interestingly, Pew Research found that while 63 percent of women believe that sexism and gender biases make life more difficult for them, 56 percent of men say those obstacles don’t exist.

The fact is, throughout history and even today, men have been and are at the forefront of conversations, leadership, and representation. So, why do they feel persecuted? It is true that in 2018 men are subject to a lot of criticism, criticism women have been subject to forever and are used to, and they don't like it. But maybe it is criticism they need to hear and problems they need to confront.

Online, I see a constant barrage of outrage from men claiming that they are the ones who fight for this country, do the hard labour, and are always told "women and children first". This rage that we're seeing now has been a simmering resentment for years. We know that male suicides are higher than women's (not because men have more suicidal thoughts, but because their suicide attempts are far more lethal), that boys are suffering in school in the traditional classroom, that standards of masculinity are way too toxic, and that soldiers suffer from PTSD at alarming rates. I agree these are all BIG problems, and they can be addressed simultaneously.

When resentment and entitlement combine, the results can be lethal, like in the Toronto van attack. It may be very tempting to dismiss such people as sad, basement-dwelling failures, but involuntary celibates (Incels) are not some pathetic subgroup and they didn't come out of nowhere. Actually, they've always been here, they just didn't have a name before. 

When these men are not busy resenting women, they're doing mental gymnastics to avoid accepting the truth: that every woman they know has a little box in the back their mind, where they lock away awful experiences that have happened to them at the hands of men. And if every woman has a story, then pig headed men may not be an outlier and masculinity might have to be dismantled and rebuilt. 

"Denying that sexual harassment and assault are part and parcel of so many women’s daily lives is a form of identity protective cognition — a documented phenomenon in which individuals who encounter new information that is inconsistent with their beliefs and cultural identity tend to dismiss or diminish that information." - Soraya Chemaly

Male identity is being challenged and this is unsettling for men, I get it. The Proud Boys, founded in 2016 by Gavin McInnes, are just one of a plethora of misogynistic communities, commonly called men’s rights activist groups (MRAs), which have arisen on the internet. The very name of the group is indicative of the anxiety that men are being shamed and suppressed. But are they really? Or are they being held to account and is power just being properly dispersed. As they say, for those who are accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

Believe Women

The past three weeks have been excruciating for women. 15 year old Christine Blasey Ford didn't deserve what happened to her and neither does 50 year old Christine Blasey Ford. What we have seen in the past three weeks is a clear message to women: you do not matter. But we already knew that and we've been conditioned since birth to please and prioritize others. Never ourselves.

I believe we will win the culture war and the anger that is bubbling up inside women all over will lead them to the polls or make them want to run themselves. In fact, it's already happening. This anger, this deep anger, is valid. We know that 1 in 3 women are victims of sexual assault. It is as common as rain. We know that false accusations are very rare (studies say somewhere between 3 and 8%). To believe otherwise is to assume women are vindictive and evil and out to get men. Sorry, but we're just not that obsessed with you.

There are a million reasons to believe Blasey Ford and only maybe like one reason to believe Kavanaugh, but here we are acting like their testimonies have equal weight. The aftermath of this mess is trends like #HimToo on Twitter spouting false notions that men are victims of women who have an axe to grind. This is supported by the president who believes it is a very scary time for men right now.

But what if bad men are afraid now? Shouldn't they be? If that's what it takes to protect women, I think all men should treat all women like they have Ronan Farrow on speed dial. Being wary of the opposite sex is something women have been subject to since... forever. Maybe the fear of being outed as a predator and socially ostracized is just the kick in the butt these bad men need. And maybe he should have his life ruined if not in court, then in the public eye because hers certainly is. Note: most sexual predators never face legal consequences for their heinous actions.

So, what can good men do? Well, call out behaviour that you see your male friends do that is sexist or hurtful to women. And also maybe do a little introspection about the process of male bonding. Why does it usually happen at women's expense? If you see a woman walking alone at night, cross the street so she doesn't think you're following her. And if you see someone being a gross perv on the subway, stand up. Your physical presence probably means more and is more compelling than hers. Most of all, you can LISTEN.

In the mean time, here is a cool song I found on the internet!

I CAN’T WALK TO MY CAR LATE AT NIGHT WHILE ON THE PHONE

I CAN’T OPEN UP MY WINDOWS WHEN I’M HOME ALONE

I CAN’T GO TO A BAR WITHOUT A CHAPERONE

AND I CAN’T WEAR A MINI SKIRT IF ITS THE ONLY ONE I OWN

I CAN’T USE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION AFTER 7 PM

I CAN’T BE BRUTALLY HONEST WHEN YOU SLIDE INTO MY DMS

I CAN’T GO TO THE CLUB JUST TO DANCE WITH MY FRIENDS

AND I CAN’T EVER LEAVE MY DRINK UNATTENDED 

BUT IT SURE IS A SCARY TIME FOR BOYS

YEAH GENTLEMEN! BAND TOGETHER, MAKE SOME NOISE

ITS REALLY TOUGH WHEN YOUR REPUTATION’S ON THE LINE

AND ANY WOMAN YOU’VE ASSAULTED COULD TURN UP ANYTIME

YEAH, IT SURE IS A SCARY TIME FOR GUYS

CAN’T SPEAK TO ANY WOMEN OR LOOK THEM IN THE EYES

ITS SO CONFUSING, IS IT RAPE OR IS IT JUST BEING NICE?

SO INCONVENIENT THAT YOU EVEN HAVE TO THINK TWICE

I CAN’T LIVE IN AN APARTMENT IF IT'S ON THE FIRST FLOOR  

I CAN’T BE WEARING SILK PAJAMAS WHEN I ANSWER THE DOOR

I CAN’T HAVE ANOTHER DRINK EVEN IF I WANT MORE

I CAN’T MAKE YOU FEEL INVALID, UNSEEN, OR IGNORED

I CAN’T JOG AROUND THE CITY WITH HEADPHONES ON MY EARS

I CAN’T SPEAK OUT AGAINST MY RAPIST AFTER 35 YEARS

I CAN’T BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IF I'M HOLDING BACK TEARS

AND I CAN’T EVER SPEAK EARNESTLY ABOUT ALL MY FEARS

BUT IT SURE IS A SCARY TIME FOR DUDES

CAN’T TEXT A GIRL REPEATEDLY ASKING FOR NUDES

CAN’T MAKE HER HAVE SEX WHEN SHE’S NOT IN THE MOOD

AND WHAT GIVES HER THE RIGHT TO GIVE YOU ATTITUDE??

YEAH, IT SURE IS A SCARY TIME FOR MEN

GIRLS LIKE TO ACT LIKE YOU’RE TO BLAME AND THEY’RE THE VICTIMS

HER DRESS WAS SHORT AND SHE WAS DRUNK, SHE’S NOT SO INNOCENT

THANK GOD YOUR DAD’S THE JUDGE AND YOU WON’T BE CONVICTED

OH WAIT...THAT’S RIGHT…

IT’S NOT SUCH A SCARY TIME FOR BOYS

THEY’VE ALWAYS HAD THE UPPER HAND, THEY’VE ALWAYS HAD A CHOICE

IT’S TIME FOR WOMEN TO RISE UP,     

USE OUR COLLECTIVE VOICE

THE DAY TO VOTE’S NOVEMBER 6, SO LET’S GO MAKE SOME NOISE