Resentment

If you ask the average man, he does not recognize his own privilege. In fact, he feels persecuted himself and he will say with irritation and annoyance in his voice: "What about the men? Sexism isn't real. Women are fine." Interestingly, Pew Research found that while 63 percent of women believe that sexism and gender biases make life more difficult for them, 56 percent of men say those obstacles don’t exist.

The fact is, throughout history and even today, men have been and are at the forefront of conversations, leadership, and representation. So, why do they feel persecuted? It is true that in 2018 men are subject to a lot of criticism, criticism women have been subject to forever and are used to, and they don't like it. But maybe it is criticism they need to hear and problems they need to confront.

Online, I see a constant barrage of outrage from men claiming that they are the ones who fight for this country, do the hard labour, and are always told "women and children first". This rage that we're seeing now has been a simmering resentment for years. We know that male suicides are higher than women's (not because men have more suicidal thoughts, but because their suicide attempts are far more lethal), that boys are suffering in school in the traditional classroom, that standards of masculinity are way too toxic, and that soldiers suffer from PTSD at alarming rates. I agree these are all BIG problems, and they can be addressed simultaneously.

When resentment and entitlement combine, the results can be lethal, like in the Toronto van attack. It may be very tempting to dismiss such people as sad, basement-dwelling failures, but involuntary celibates (Incels) are not some pathetic subgroup and they didn't come out of nowhere. Actually, they've always been here, they just didn't have a name before. 

When these men are not busy resenting women, they're doing mental gymnastics to avoid accepting the truth: that every woman they know has a little box in the back their mind, where they lock away awful experiences that have happened to them at the hands of men. And if every woman has a story, then pig headed men may not be an outlier and masculinity might have to be dismantled and rebuilt. 

"Denying that sexual harassment and assault are part and parcel of so many women’s daily lives is a form of identity protective cognition — a documented phenomenon in which individuals who encounter new information that is inconsistent with their beliefs and cultural identity tend to dismiss or diminish that information." - Soraya Chemaly

Male identity is being challenged and this is unsettling for men, I get it. The Proud Boys, founded in 2016 by Gavin McInnes, are just one of a plethora of misogynistic communities, commonly called men’s rights activist groups (MRAs), which have arisen on the internet. The very name of the group is indicative of the anxiety that men are being shamed and suppressed. But are they really? Or are they being held to account and is power just being properly dispersed. As they say, for those who are accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.