The Cool Girl

I want to begin by saying that the "cool girl" does not exist. She is a fantasy that both men and women buy into. She is a collection of attributes; a figment of the straight male imagination. She's a perfect role to inhabit in your 20's when you're unsure of yourself.

While I had inner turmoil about being an easy going and complicit woman to appease men in my undergrad, I didn't have the vocabulary to express how I felt about it. We all know the "cool girl", the one who goes out of her way to say that she gets along with men better than women because they're "less drama". She doesn't really ask anything of her man, and she certainly doesn't complain about casual misogyny or sexist jokes.

Canadian women’s rights advocate Julie Lalonde stated, “There’s this idea that if you distance yourself from other women and align yourself with men, not only will they ‘choose you’ over other women, but they will treat you with the same respect they show their friends. It’s a phenomenon known as ‘proximity to power’: the idea that aligning yourself with the person/group in power will give you access to said power.” However, being the "cool girl" doesn't grant you access to the "boys club" and it never will. Men won't take you any more seriously than any other woman. In the end, it gets you nowhere.

I quickly came to realize that I would not and could not be the "cool girl". It ultimately wouldn't make me happy. In reality, the "cool girl" is powerless and silent. Her perspective becomes his perspective. She is basically a glorified doormat. So, be brave. Choose to be the "other girls" instead of the "cool girl". I promise that you'll like yourself a lot more in the end, and that's what matters, right?

Sex Object

“We say 'misogynist'; I've written that 'misogyny kills,' but the world falls flat on your tongue - it's too academic sounding, not raw or horrifying enough to relay the truth of what it means."

In her book Sex Object, Valenti tells a story women know all too well about existing to satisfy the male gaze first and as human beings second. She asks: "What is crazy about killing women in a culture that tells you that women's lives are worth nothing?" This book offers little positivity about the state of today's culture, where on a daily basis, women realize that public spaces are not for them.

Valenti makes clear that while we have made progress legislatively for gender equality, we have a long way to go culturally. She does this by accounting several personal anecdotes, which are sometimes relatable and sometimes not. Sex Object is one woman’s story, and Valenti does not presume to universalize because the way women experience sexism is individualized and dependent on various identities and privileges.

She asks another daunting question: "What do we lose when we grow up believing sexual objectification is normal, unremarkable and expected?". The answer for many women is a lot. As a society, we perpetuate and tolerate a range of attitudes and behaviors that actively circumscribe the lives of girls and women. So much so, in fact, that pink ghettos and women's shelters are the result.

The main point of this book is that women do not exist for male consumption and enjoyment. All of the injustices Valenti describes stem from the belief that this is a man's world and women are just along for the ride. They stem from the belief that men are the basis for measuring humanity. They stem from the belief that women are the second sex.

Looking forward, we must teach boys how to reject cultural messages that perpetuate toxic masculinity and female inferiority not just to enhance the lives of women and girls, but also the lives of boys and men. To do this, we need to rebrand feminism because to say it has a bad rap is an understatement.