Spade

This spring, I started to write down three things every day that I am grateful for. This would have been unfathomable three years ago when I was severely depressed. I am now able to appreciate the things in life we often take for granted because of my medication, or as I like to call them, my "happy pills".

After Kate Spade's death, I heard on the news that more people are attempting suicide now more than ever before. This is not surprising. What may be surprising to some is that most suicides happen in the spring time. This is because spring gives us a jolt of energy; to get out of bed; to follow through with a suicide plan you've been contemplating all winter. 

Kate Spade was bold and her fashion made a statement. I have always been drawn to it. It's not easy to be the loudest person in the room. It's not easy to be bold. As women, we're supposed to be docile and placid. I have never been described as such things. I have also never been small. I have tried to make myself small, but it never worked and gave me varicose veins. 

For a while I didn't know how to live in this world. This world is harsh. It’s not for everyone. I get it. I’m one of them. One of the dreamers. Other people’s pain is my pain. I carry the weight of the world’s tragedies in my heart. And it’s heavy. 

I also didn't know how to exist within myself and be okay with that. It felt like the world was rushing around me and I was standing still; hovering over myself. It felt like I was walking through a dark abyss, with no end in sight. Sometimes, I would indulge in my own sadness. It felt good. I was also always cold because I wasn't eating. 

It wasn't that I thought life had no meaning, it's that I just didn't care. I slept a lot, most of the time actually, because sleeping was the only way I could escape my endless thoughts. I especially needed some fun in my life. I needed one of Kate Spade's colourful, patterned pieces. I needed a light, or a bag. Sometimes the most trivial things can shift your mood for the better.

What I like most about Kate Spade's style is that it doesn't play on women's sexuality. When you wear her clothes, you attract everyone's attention, not just men's. I love myself a little harder when I wear clothing items or accessories that speak to me and how I want to present myself to the world as an individual. And we all need to love ourselves a little harder. A lot harder, actually.