Thursday, June 28, 2018

Women and Work


There are more women in the workforce, more women earning degrees and more female breadwinners than ever before. Women are entering the pipeline but they're not coming out; they're not getting funded and they're not getting those senior management roles. They're showing up and being dismissed a lot of the time, even if they lean in. What's up Sheryl Sandberg?

Much has been written about the impact of becoming a parent on women’s careers. It is said that working mothers lose focus and determination. Choosing to “have it all” is usually framed in problematic terms for women. (Less so for men.) The fact is, having a family does slow women’s career progression, but it’s not significant in preventing them from getting to the top. You can't always blame baby fever.

It is often cited that men will apply for a role knowing they only have 50% of the required skill set while a woman will wait until she has 100% of the needed skill set. Women’s reticence to “put themselves out there” is seen as lack of confidence, which means they miss out on senior leadership roles. I see it as being grounded in reality and not letting your ego make decisions for you. Many would say that women make better decisions because they're more risk-averse.

The Old Boys Club is often cited as a source of social access and influence that helps men progress in their careers. Lack of access to traditional types of networking opportunities is frequently used to explain why women don’t appear on the shortlist for top jobs. This point is very important. While women do not reap the benefits of informal networking (and this is damaging), they take full advantage of formal channels to build their profiles and access support for professional development.

So, what keeps women on the career path? Who has what it takes to reach the C suite? Peterson would say that women just can't handle that intense corporate lifestyle. They're too agreeable and leave when the going gets tough. However, the truth of it is that women don't give up on their careers because they can't keep up with the "brilliant" men around them. Lack of promotion and sexual harassment, rather than attrition, seems to be the larger reason why women are running for the exits.

Ellen Pao talks about this very issue in her 2017 book Reset. She says, "The system is designed to keep us out. These are rooms full of white heterosexual men who want to keep acting like rooms full of white heterosexual men, and so either they continue to do so, creating a squirm-inducing experience for the rest of us, or they shut us down when people of colour or women enter the room and resent having to change their behaviour." (143)

What I know for sure is that it's not about stamina or being "stress averse", as Damore likes to say. Women work the double day while being harassed and look pretty doing it. Sometimes bleeding. Name a man who could do that.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Toxic Masculinity

Is there a war on masculinity? No. Not at all, actually. Masculine traits are upheld more than not. Women used to wear shoulder pads to emulate a more masculine look. We're told to lean in and ask for more like the men do.

What is being criticized, however, is toxic masculinity.

Google toxic masculinity and you'll probably find a few rants by man-boy Ben Shapiro on the Left's war on masculinity and manhood or Tucker Carlson making this face on his show:




In a society that teaches boys to be sociopathic robots on the hunt for sex, it's no wonder that we have a rape culture and victim blaming mentality. We can't hope to stop violent sexual behaviour if we insist that dominance and aggression are male traits.

Empathy, which is traditionally a more feminine quality, is not weakness. Vulnerability is not weakness. It's a tool for progress and it's a virtue. Empathy is what makes us human. So why are we stripping men's humanity away? It's not fair to them; it's not fair to anyone.

Building better men is a process and it will take generations because many men find comfort in toxic masculinity. Maybe that's one of the reasons Trump is so popular. He appealed to men's yearning for the re-establishment of “traditional” gender values in which men are dominant, women are subservient, and the "natural" order of things are in place.

A man goes to work. He uses his hands. He gets dirty. He brings home the bacon. Any man in Caro's North Country would know this routine. However, the economy is changing and so is what it means to be a man. Divorcing masculinity from misogyny and violence can only help you. Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Spade


This spring, I started to write down three things every day that I am grateful for. This would have been unfathomable three years ago when I was severely depressed. I am now able to appreciate the things in life we often take for granted because of my medication, or as I like to call them, my "happy pills".

After Kate Spade's death, I heard on the news that more people are attempting suicide now more than ever before. This is not surprising. What may be surprising to some is that most suicides happen in the spring time. This is because spring gives us a jolt of energy; to get out of bed; to follow through with a suicide plan you've been contemplating all winter. 

Kate Spade was bold and her fashion made a statement. I have always been drawn to it. It's not easy to be the loudest person in the room. It's not easy to be bold. As women, we're supposed to be docile and placid. I have never been described as such things. I have also never been small. I have tried to make myself small, but it never worked and gave me varicose veins. 

For a while I didn't know how to live in this world. This world is harsh. It’s not for everyone. I get it. I’m one of them. One of the dreamers. Other people’s pain is my pain. I carry the weight of the world’s tragedies in my heart. And it’s heavy. 

I also didn't know how to exist within myself and be okay with that. It felt like the world was rushing around me and I was standing still; hovering over myself. It felt like I was walking through a dark abyss, with no end in sight. Sometimes, I would indulge in my own sadness. It felt good. I was also always cold because I wasn't eating. 

It wasn't that I thought life had no meaning, it's that I just didn't care. I slept a lot, most of the time actually, because sleeping was the only way I could escape my endless thoughts. I especially needed some fun in my life. I needed one of Kate Spade's colourful, patterned pieces. I needed a light, or a bag. Sometimes the most trivial things can shift your mood for the better.

What I like most about Kate Spade's style is that it doesn't play on women's sexuality. When you wear her clothes, you attract everyone's attention, not just men's. I love myself a little harder when I wear clothing items or accessories that speak to me and how I want to present myself to the world as an individual. And we all need to love ourselves a little harder. A lot harder, actually.