Masculinity is in Crisis and Boys Aren't the Only Ones Paying For It

There is a fixation on girl's self-esteem and well-being. Rightly so. However, we rarely talk about these things in relation to boys and men. This is a problem since boys and men are struggling and have been for a while. An unfortunate symptom of their struggle is the hateful ways they treat girls. Their struggle itself is a good enough reason to care, but when their struggle splatters all over the lives of girls and women, I feel it is necessary to speak out.

Men are explicitly and implicitly told that they are better than women simply by the fundamental ways we as a society talk about women in the media and in real life. Men are taught that they should, or have the right to, rule over women. Men have learned to gain status and power through their dominion of women. There are a number of ways men do this. Objectifying women and wrapping up their humanity in how they look is just one way of doing it.

I recently had a conversation with some colleagues about boys rating girls from 1 to 10 and how this phenomenon is really not about girls at all, it's about boys, their insecurity and their hatred of females. It has been happening for decades.

So, how do we help boys and men see that their worth and identity is not tied up in hurting or putting women down? It starts with a complete overhaul on what it means to be a man. We have to talk to our children about the ways gender is used to segregate us and limit us. And we HAVE TO talk about misogyny. Because it's real and it's killing women, directly and indirectly.

You would be hard pressed to find men utter the words "I hate women" or "women should be put to death for having abortions" (looking at you Kevin Williamson). They have mothers and sisters whom they love, I suppose. But supporting women in reality vs. supporting women in theory are two very different things. Most men can only do that latter.

Everyday, women are used as pons in boys' masculinity games. If girls aren't here to serve boys' every whim, what are they here for? And if girls aren't dependent on men, what good are men? This is a particularly important point in 2019. Women have their own bank accounts, occupy a larger percentage of university classes, can buy property and hold down their own jobs. They don't need men. And to men, that's pretty damn scary and pretty damn emasculating.

What most men don't get is that women, heterosexual women I should say, want men. At least, they do right now. That won't last much longer if they continue to act like garbage.